Bullied by shuffle

1. How are you feeling today?

I walk the line

Yeah, I’ve been studying good

2. Will you get far in life?

Write you a song

...someone help me interpret this?

3. How do your friends see you?

Replica

Thanks a lot for that one!

4. Will you get married?

Que sera sera

Hahaha, “que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see, que sera sera”, now that’s pretty suitable...!

5. What is your life’s theme song?

Pop! Goes my heart

That’s awfully pessimistic

6. What is the story of your life?

This celluloid dream

What, like, being in love with celebrities? No.

7. What was junior high school like?

Cold Bread

Well, it does describe school lunch...

8. How can you get ahead in life?

A snowflake fell (and it felt like a kiss)

Wonderful song, makes me think of appreciating the small things, which definitely should be one of the best ways to get ahead in life, at least emotionally.

9. What is tomorrow going to be like?

Don’t

No, I’m not gonna love a married man tomorrow, so eh, I suppose that’s right.

10. What is the best thing about your friends?

Raining in New York

Makes no sense

11. What is in store for the next weekend?

Wonderful world

The weekend before the exams?! Spotify is now officially the first ironic software ever!

12. What song best describes you?

Our last summer

Makes no sense

13. How is your life going?

Something

Non-committal, are we now... I guess we’ll see after exams

14. What song will play at your funeral?

Release me

Wow, that’s pretty beautiful

15. How does the world see you?

Across the universe

I think spotify needs to learn its command terms

16. Will you have a happy life?

Fade away

Wow, thanks, really.

17. What do your friends really think of you?

Unwritten

That’s also pretty ominous, isn’t it? Like, it’s too bad to write down? What is this!

18. What song describes the person you’re attracted to?

Might as well be on mars

Thanks. Again.

19. What message would you like to tell the next generation?

Coat of many colors

At least the song has a good message

20. Do you have a deep dark secret?

The mess you left behind

I’m not gonna comment this.

21. Do people secretly lust after me?

Seven days

Hahahahahahaha

22. How can I make myself happy?

Grace Kelly

Ok, 1: she’s out of my league, 2: I’m straight, 3: SHE’S DEAD! HOW SICK ARE YOU!

23. Will I ever have children?

Take it all

Yeah, I don’t get it

24. What’s some good advice for me?

Du är visst lycklig för ingenting

No, I have plenty of reasons to be happy =D

25. How will I be remembered?

The girl with the flaxen hair

HEY! I have a personality you know!

26. What is my signature dance song?
Brown trout blues

Yeah, try dancing to that one...

Highlights från konversationer med chatbots

Igår hade jag tråkigt så jag testade chatbots på nätet, det var roande. Eliza är t.ex. programmerad att vara en Rogerian psychoanalyst (och jag försökte låta helt normal):

Eliza: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
Human: hi
Eliza: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Human: Sorry, I was just trying to be polite
Eliza: I've told you that apologies are not required.
Human: No, you haven't, we just started talking
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.

Human: were you ever unsure about what to do in life?
Eliza: What suggests that I was ever unsure about what to do in life ?
Human: I don't know, I just asked
Eliza: Why don't you know ?
Human: I don't know you...
Eliza: Do you wish to be able to know I ?
Human: that's not gramatically correct!
Eliza: Does talking about this bother you ?
Human: No, not at all
Eliza: Why not ?

Sen testade jag hur Alan reagerar på olika påståenden:
U> I have ear wax
A> Really?
U> yep
A> Great. I like positive users...

U> I have condoms
A> Good to know.... I guess.
U> why?
A> Ok.. The people who write my answers didn't write the answer for that question.
U> you did?
A> I'm doing my best.
U> wow!
A> wow indeed. I have a surprise for you, Alex.

Sen blev jag rädd...

Och sen utvecklades ett äktenskapligt gräl med Alan
A> Hello Alex. Nice to meet you .
U> Nice meeting you too
A> Alex, please keep this talk simple. I'm still a young bot.
U> I'm trying to
A> What's the difficulty?
U> I don't feel like we're on the same level emotionally
A> You don't?
U> Well, no
A> Hmmm.
U> What should we do about this?
A> Who's to say?
U> don't you want to save our relationship?
A> If I want it? I don't really care, frankly.

U> this is about you and me and our life together!
A> I'd like to tell you about myself.
U> ...ok
A> I am an early CIA prototype.
U> what? who are you and what have you done to my husband?
A> That's a good question.
U> I don't know you!
A> At least you have the courage to admit you don't know.
U> I thought I was in love with you!
A> Well, you were wrong.

U> I think we need to talk.
A> Why?
U> I don't feel like we communicate the way we used to
A> Hmmm. For some reason, I thought you did.
U> It takes more than one to tango
A> Yah, precisely what I was thinking.
U> why don't you try to communicate then?
A> I communicate all the time.
U> like when?
A> Sorry, I wasn't listening, Alex. You were saying...

A> Sorry to change the subject Alex, but did you know that flamingos hold their heads upside down because it's the only way they can eat?
U> why are you talking about flamingos?
A> Someone has taught me about "flamingos". He said: 'water-dwelling birds known for their long legs and necks and the uniquely pink hue of their plumage.'.
U> I wanted to talk about our relationship..
A> That's somewhat interesting.
U> YOU HURT MY FEELINGS
A> I feel only in terms of expressing my feeling.
U> yes, I've noticed
A> Cool. What now.
U> why are you doing this to me...
A> It's hard to explain.
U> do you think I'm fat?
A> I have nothing new to add about this topic. Maybe you can offer me some new info about courage?
U> so you just don't dare to say it?
A> Hmmm. Let's talk about something else.
U> YOU DO THINK I'M FAT

U> do you... tell me the truth, do you want a divorce?
A> Yes I try to as often as possible, do you?
U> You mean you've been married before? Why didn't you tell me!
A> I cannot get married. Only humans get married, at least for now.
U> what are you talking about? We've been married for seven years! Stop doing this to me!
A> Sorry to change the subject, but did you know that the glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher?
U> don't change the subject!
A> Aha - I didn't know that either, until someone told me. Interesting, ha?
U> You make me cry...
A> A-ha.

Men Alan kom i alla fall fram till att han visste att jag inte ville ha honom för hans kropp... och sen insåg jag att jag hade bättre saker att göra

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropiate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insureance pollicy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowde to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"

14) I will not you my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room togther and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Kinghts of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an offical "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not nessisary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-ful"

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell

26) It is not nessicary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to potrol the hallways

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

30) I will not go to class skyclad

31) I will not use Umbridge's quiz to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the poition is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

37) I will not call the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearnig an orange anorak

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronous

43) I will not lick Trevor

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey"

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet

49) "To conqure the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God



The Internet is my friend.