lördag 21 februari 2009

Snow angels and bewinged thoughts

Walked Meng to the bus stop (X-files rock, Baileys and clutching each other's hands cause it's so exciting ;P) and couldn't help but skip away from there when the bus had left. Several inches of snow on the ground and still snowing. Unbelievably beautiful.

Running around, not going down the usual old path but skipping around on what's usually a lawn but now was a field of snow. Skipping in circles, out on the large street. Stopping, making a snow angel. There's no cars around, if I want to do it I can.

Running home, telling mom I'll be out for a while, I just need a pair of gloves. I want to be outside, it's beautiful, so beautiful and I couldn't stop saying it.

Running, skipping, walking, talking, watching - it's all so clear. Beautiful, beautiful. Making another snow angel, in an intersection this time. Big road, lots of untouched snow in the middle. If I want to I can.

Throwing snow bolls, many snow bolls at street signs, having so much fun. Doesn't matter if I miss, I'll just throw again. Feeling good, it doesn't matter if I miss, I can just try again. If you're not feeling well it's worse, but otherwise it's fine. It's possible to try again. And I love it. Running around, finding new street signs. Only a crooked one I didn't throw at. I have a connection to crooked posts, even other ones.

Behind our house, playground. Running up the hill, rolling down. Getting up when feeling the cold, stumbling into a bush. Oops. Laughter.

Running again, to a tree, only a few steps up but I'm the king of the world. Or queen. Doesn't matter, the world is mine and I belong to the world - and it's beautiful, so beautiful. Down again and up the hill, running down, I realize that I'm laughing and I wasn't aware.

Up on a row of benches, skipping along them. A new row, seeing a family in a living room, watching tv, they might see me but I don't care, I'm running and skipping. Down on the ground, realizing I'm on a table in the sandbox, wasn't aware, there's a lot of snow. On the ground, spinning a lap around, loving it. Up on the hill again and down, away from the playground, walking around.

Walking, watching, loving it. It's night but I don't see darkness, it's light outside. Not the light you think of as a child, but light just the same. It's not always as easy to find, but I love when it is. So bright, so beautiful.

Only one thing missing, I'd like to share it with someone. Share the joy and that world, it's our world but it's beautiful when you want it to be. I want to be with someone who can see the world as I see it because they want to be with me mentally too. But I'll find it, I'm not worried, not now.

Peak experience. A mental and vertical peak on a hill. That's from my story, but it's what it feels like. Back on the hill again, beautiful so beautiful. And I'm walking, skipping, running. It's night but I'm free. If I want to I can.

Can't remember the order of things, but it's fine. It's the feeling. The experience and the feeling. People matter and education matters, but you can't develop without experiences, without spirituality of some kind, feelings and letting them take over. It's a great feeling, just being a part of the world, not thinking about anything that's bad. It's not that bad.

Running fast up to the hill, almost flying, oh so fast, the wind in my ears, my wings almost catching wind. I realize then that it's not about flying away, it's about letting your thoughts grow wings and fly, and I can go anywhere!

Looking out from the hill, it's beautiful and I can do anything. If I want to can. I bend down, sit for a while, if I want to I can. Running down, laughing without being aware once again.

Swings, seeing how far I can fly. Not far. That's okay. Another swing, legs in the air, high in the air, flying through the sky, just a little bit. Feeling free.

Rolling down the hill, extremely snowy all over now. Just wearing tights, dress, coat and boots. My butt will freeze to death, but that's okay. Figuratively. It would be unpractical otherwise.

Walking a bit more, wanting it to last forever. Standing on elskåp, new perspective. Then parking lot, seeing my warm room, time to go home. Drawing a smiley on the mail box, going inside. Snow everywhere, hair not in place whatsoever. Can't stop smiling.

It's hard to convey, can't describe the experience and can't remember the words. But it was beautiful. Right here, and still, so beautiful.

Proximal convoluted tubule and out.

7 kommentarer:

Meng sa...

I wish I was there.
But it was beautiful walking past an almost empty, snowy central station too, however unbelievable that might sound. Snow is beautiful, even if it's only for an all too short time.

Proximal convoluted tubule! (Annette would be proud)

Alex sa...

That does sound very beautiful! Central Lund is nice =) And it would be nice to play in the snow with you! You have the right kind of mind =D We'll have to do that! It's not on my list of things to do in life ("Play with Mango in snow")

Hahaha, can't believe we've both had that phrase stuck on our minds at some point... But there's just some weird kind of rhythm to it! Or... we're just unbelievable nerds. Could be either really ;P

Wellington sa...

You are unbelievable nerds. But that's how we like you.

Some of your blog posts of late are wandering bundles of inspiration, I can't see how you do that. But even me -- and I haven't played in the snow since I was, I don't know, ten or something --almost (read: ALMOST!) feel like skipping around now. Inconveniently enough it's raining and the snow is thawing; yesterday would have been perfect for a walk in the snow: endless, empty fields of snow untouched but by fox and boar, a soaring silence and 20 metre high trees right next to you. I think you'd like it.

If I want to do it I can. I like that mantra.

Alex sa...

Yay =D You should try it, it's nice!
It's funny how free you can be if you let your mind wander and just wander around without really caring where, just caring about the moment. I don't think it's healthy to be goal-oriented whenever you go somewhere.
Freedom of the mind is the most important sort of freedom, as long as you're not physically restrained you can be awfully free just by being free mentally

If I want to I can, yeah, I think that's important, most things are possible if you want them to be and if you fail once, try again.

Wellington sa...

Sounds sane, and rather pleasant. I had some similar experiency thingy yesterday, wrote about it in my blog (Yeah... it's, er, alive. Again. I can has link on your blog? :D)

Fail once, try again -- the story of my life with driving theory! :D

My snow is raining away today. :'( All of a sudden it became very saddening to read this blog post, I'll miss the powdery fluff.

void sa...

Proximal convoluted tubule
ta ta-da ta ta-da ta ta-daaa
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
Jag gillar rytmen, hur den lingers on på slutet :D

Randomness och frihet ute i snön... Bara leva och njuta av nuet, without any kind of worry for the past or future. Sounds wonderful:)

Alex sa...

Hahahaha, yes! It DOES have a nice rhythm! Araneya, I love you, that was hilarious!

And wonderful indeed, enjoying life is good =D And though the snow might be melting, at least it was here last night and the sun was out during parts of today, so it's still good =)