Walked Meng to the bus stop (X-files rock, Baileys and clutching each other's hands cause it's so exciting ;P) and couldn't help but skip away from there when the bus had left. Several inches of snow on the ground and still snowing. Unbelievably beautiful.
Running around, not going down the usual old path but skipping around on what's usually a lawn but now was a field of snow. Skipping in circles, out on the large street. Stopping, making a snow angel. There's no cars around, if I want to do it I can.
Running home, telling mom I'll be out for a while, I just need a pair of gloves. I want to be outside, it's beautiful, so beautiful and I couldn't stop saying it.
Running, skipping, walking, talking, watching - it's all so clear. Beautiful, beautiful. Making another snow angel, in an intersection this time. Big road, lots of untouched snow in the middle. If I want to I can.
Throwing snow bolls, many snow bolls at street signs, having so much fun. Doesn't matter if I miss, I'll just throw again. Feeling good, it doesn't matter if I miss, I can just try again. If you're not feeling well it's worse, but otherwise it's fine. It's possible to try again. And I love it. Running around, finding new street signs. Only a crooked one I didn't throw at. I have a connection to crooked posts, even other ones.
Behind our house, playground. Running up the hill, rolling down. Getting up when feeling the cold, stumbling into a bush. Oops. Laughter.
Running again, to a tree, only a few steps up but I'm the king of the world. Or queen. Doesn't matter, the world is mine and I belong to the world - and it's beautiful, so beautiful. Down again and up the hill, running down, I realize that I'm laughing and I wasn't aware.
Up on a row of benches, skipping along them. A new row, seeing a family in a living room, watching tv, they might see me but I don't care, I'm running and skipping. Down on the ground, realizing I'm on a table in the sandbox, wasn't aware, there's a lot of snow. On the ground, spinning a lap around, loving it. Up on the hill again and down, away from the playground, walking around.
Walking, watching, loving it. It's night but I don't see darkness, it's light outside. Not the light you think of as a child, but light just the same. It's not always as easy to find, but I love when it is. So bright, so beautiful.
Only one thing missing, I'd like to share it with someone. Share the joy and that world, it's our world but it's beautiful when you want it to be. I want to be with someone who can see the world as I see it because they want to be with me mentally too. But I'll find it, I'm not worried, not now.
Peak experience. A mental and vertical peak on a hill. That's from my story, but it's what it feels like. Back on the hill again, beautiful so beautiful. And I'm walking, skipping, running. It's night but I'm free. If I want to I can.
Can't remember the order of things, but it's fine. It's the feeling. The experience and the feeling. People matter and education matters, but you can't develop without experiences, without spirituality of some kind, feelings and letting them take over. It's a great feeling, just being a part of the world, not thinking about anything that's bad. It's not that bad.
Running fast up to the hill, almost flying, oh so fast, the wind in my ears, my wings almost catching wind. I realize then that it's not about flying away, it's about letting your thoughts grow wings and fly, and I can go anywhere!
Looking out from the hill, it's beautiful and I can do anything. If I want to can. I bend down, sit for a while, if I want to I can. Running down, laughing without being aware once again.
Swings, seeing how far I can fly. Not far. That's okay. Another swing, legs in the air, high in the air, flying through the sky, just a little bit. Feeling free.
Rolling down the hill, extremely snowy all over now. Just wearing tights, dress, coat and boots. My butt will freeze to death, but that's okay. Figuratively. It would be unpractical otherwise.
Walking a bit more, wanting it to last forever. Standing on elskåp, new perspective. Then parking lot, seeing my warm room, time to go home. Drawing a smiley on the mail box, going inside. Snow everywhere, hair not in place whatsoever. Can't stop smiling.
It's hard to convey, can't describe the experience and can't remember the words. But it was beautiful. Right here, and still, so beautiful.
Proximal convoluted tubule and out.
5 år sedan